Unfinished Conversation Book

Unfinished Conversation
Healing from Suicide and Loss-A Guided Journey

Robert E. Lesoine
With Marilynne Chöphel, MFT

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“Unfinished Conversation chronicles a path of transformation from anger and despair to compassion and liberation.”
—Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

“Beautifully written, this book is pure medicine for the grieving heart.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

“This eloquent book is a personal companion for those left behind, a friend nudging us forward with compassion and wisdom.”
—Christopher Germer, PhD, Clinical Instructor, Harvard Medical School, author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

“Expertly woven into the raw feelings expressed in the journaling of Lesoine’s loss are the tools and techniques that will help to understand, heighten, experience and refine these emotions. The authors claim this journey will help anyone left after a suicide find greater perspective, meaning, and wellbeing in their lives. I agree without reservation… Unfinished Conversation is a book that I will use in my own clinical practice and one that I will recommend to friends and family. The book helps to create some understanding out of an experience that is largely devoid of it. Most importantly, the book helps to believe that there really is hope that it gets better.”
—American Association of Suicidology

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Authors’ Acknowledgments

Creating a Safe-Secure Space – for Yourself

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  • Connect with Yourself
    Create the physical conditions for safety and comfort. Sit in a place that is quiet and free from interruption. Sit in a way that is comfortable, with your spine long and your body relaxed. With your eyes open or closed, take 2-3 full soft breaths, and bring your awareness inward. When you are ready choose one or more of the following practices…
  • Authentic Sense of Self
    Remember a time when you felt a comfortable, authentic connection with yourself. (Climbing a mountain, floating in a boat in the middle of a lake, talking with a friend,
    walking a dog, doing music or art…) Notice as you connect to this experience of yourself, what you feel physically in your body. What are the physical sensations you feel in this moment when you contact that memory of feeling authentic and connected to yourself? Let your awareness rest on any pleasant sensations you feel inside, and enjoy the authentic feelings in this moment. Take 3 slow deep breaths, and gently open your eyes.
  • Safe, Secure, and Calm Place
    Imagine some place you’ve been or imagine being that feels calm, secure, and safe. (By the ocean, mountain stream, meadow, still pond…) Bring up the image of that time/place, and notice the sights, sounds, smells and body sensations. What are the physical sensations you feel in this moment when you contact that calm and
    safe place? Let your awareness rest on the pleasant sensations you feel in your body in this moment. Savor the experience and enjoy this moment of calm and safety within your self. Take 3 slow deep breaths, and gently open your eyes.
  • Soothing External Focus
    Bring your attention to something in your environment that is soothing ,relaxing, or beautiful to look at. (With soft eyes gaze upon a special object, a piece of art, a flower, a pet, or gaze out the window at something beautiful) What are the physical sensations you feel in this moment when you bring in that image? Let your awareness rest on the pleasant sensations you feel in your body as your senses receive the visual image. Savor the experience inside and enjoy this moment of soothing calm and relaxation within your self.
    Take 3 slow deep breaths, and gently open your eyes.
  • Closure: Anchoring the Experience
    Know that you can shift your awareness at any time, even when stressed or emotionally activated, to return to this experience – this ground of deep connection, calm, relaxation, and safety within yourself.